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My Grief Journey

On July 26, 2013, my son Corey walked up the stairs and told mcropped-big-smile-2.jpge he loved me.

I never thought it would be the last time I’d see him moving on his own power. At 2:00 AM, July 27th, I held him in my arms while he fought for his life. By 3:00 PM on the 28th, he was pronounced dead. I never heard him say another word.

My son was the victim of homicide. By default, that makes me a surviving victim of homicide… along with his brothers, sisters, step-dad, father, and extended family.

Nothing I can do or say will ever change this. The pain I feel is so deep, and so life altering, I will never be the same. Yet, I’m often asked how long it will take for me to get over his death. It won’t happen. Ever.

It made me even more upset when a therapist actually told me to “pick a date that you will be over his death, then hold yourself to it.” How dare someone in the helping profession make such a blatantly ridiculous suggestion!! (Yes, I fired her.)

You see, everyone’s grief journey is different.  Some can pick up the pieces of their life and move on within a short period of time. Others (i.e. parents of murdered children) may never heal. This is as individual to grievers as it is to different situations. And NONE of these processes is wrong!

I guess what I am trying to say is: you cannot grieve wrong! Do NOT allow others to dictate how you feel. This isn’t fair to you, and it’s not fair to the person/people you are grieving.

This blog is a journal of my own grief. By putting this here, it is my hope that others will identify with what I write, and can find comfort through it.  The original entries are from the Facebook page “In Honor of Corey Laykovich”.  I will then begin using a workbook that asks for journal entries. I will be open and honest.  I’ll also let you know which books I’m using.

I would like your feedback. I would also like to know if you are reading the same books, or have a suggestion as I move through them.

Keep in mind- you don’t have to grieve like me, write like me, or recognize your loved ones the way I do. Please make this your journey too.

Gwen Carver

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