24 Hr Hotline - (816) 834-9161

A Simple Man

The days keep ticking away now. Closer and closer I get to the one year anniversary of Corey’s death. I think of all the euphemisms I’ve used this last year, “passing, loss, when he was taken”… the truth was he was murdered. Almost one year ago.

Without mercy.
Without a care for the pain and fear he felt in his last day and a half.
Without a care for how his family would feel for the rest of our days.

Without sympathy for the fact that their action would create both the moment that would tear us apart and the pain that would cement us together.

I went back and read my posts from the days before Corey was attacked. A baseball game… jokes… a normal life.

I sent my boys a video of “Simple Man”… my way of telling them I just want them to be happy with anything they do in their lives. That’s all that it would take to make me happy.

Then my world was turned upside down.
On its side
Inside out

Then I was blindfolded
Turned in circles
Handed a map of New Jersey
And left in Mexico.

Nothing is familiar any more. A year later, my chest is still heavy with grief. I still cry daily. It’s usually on my way to or from work… where no one can see.

I put on a brave face for those around me, but I take two pills to keep the depression at bay, two to keep away the anxiety, and two more to keep my mood stable.

I am in constant contact with the police. Thank goodness the sergeant is a patient man, because some weeks I email him daily.

I am told I’m “strong”… what I’m doing is “amazing”. I am no more strong than the millions of mothers that have gone before me.

Earlier this week, I had the honor of sitting down with a handful of amazing mothers from Parents of Murdered Children. I was told that the hard part is still to come… the trial of the killer (when we find him/her).

I cannot imagine this getting harder. But then again, when Corey was 2 and going through the terrible twos… I couldn’t imagine puberty. But I survived both.

I’ll survive this.

I still have two other young men that I want to become “simple men”. I need to be here for them.

Gwen Carver

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *