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The Beginning of Peace

Tomorrow we meet with the police department to get a briefing on where they are in the investigation. We’ve been staying in touch… believe me, I’m quite the thorn in their sides. But this is the official report I suppose.

Tonight I walked the neighborhood and passed out invitations for the candlelight vigil to all of our neighbors along our street. I also walked one block behind our street and handed out invitations to anyone that I saw out walking or tending to their yards.

I was surprised by my ability to keep from crying. Some of my neighbors started to tear up, but not me. They may have thought me cold hearted as I spoke to them about the vigil… showing no sadness.

The truth is, I’ve dealt with this pain 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for almost 365 days now. It never goes away. I don’t have the luxury of leaving it at the door like my neighbors do… I carry it with me everywhere I go.

Its a lot like a bad back, arthritis, fibromyalgia or any other long-term painful illness. Others can’t see it, but it never leaves you. So you learn how to deal with it rather than feeling sorry for yourself.

Yes, it would be easier to feel sorry for myself.
Yes it would be easier to sit at home the anniversary of Corey’s murder… crying… hiding my head in a pillow.
Yes, it would be easier to give up.

And, yes… I’ve considered it.

Every parent who has lost a child has considered giving up. But then there are things in this life that remind you of why you are still here.

For me, it’s my two other sons.
It’s my Bob.
It’s my three other “children” (adults really) and their spouses on Bob’s side.
It’s my grand children

It’s my belief that from this tragedy, a change can be made in our system that will help families like mine.

It’s my belief that there will be justice for Corey.

It’s my belief that there is a God, and that though He did not want this tragedy to happen, He will help me through this.

So as I walk through my neighborhood and invite my neighbors to the vigil… it is not coldness or a disconnection that they see.

It is the beginning of peace.

Gwen Carver

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