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Tomorrow will be 15 months since Corey was attacked. I’m writing less often now. I feel like if I write as often, people see me as needy… I’m not needy, just grieving.

But I will always be grieving. I know now that it won’t ever end.

We are no closer today in finding Corey’s murderer than the day he was attacked. I feel alone in our search. I email or call the sergeant twice a week, and every response is the same, “Nothing new”.

He tells me he’s praying for me. The words seem shallow. Maybe he means them. I don’t know.

It’s not for lack of evidence, we have evidence in his case. It’s lack of results at the lab. We are waiting on a painfully slow process.

Damn all of the television shows that misrepresent how quickly DNA can be processed!! Damn them for making us believe that the entire team will work on nothing but ONE case until it’s solved…

DAMN them.

Do they realize that they give people unrealistic hope? A false belief that the good guy always wins?

But these things are not in my control. No more than it’s been in my control from the moment Corey fell into my arms when I entered his room that fateful night in July 2013. Cold. Pale. His breathing shallow.

I knew my life would never be the same… and I wouldn’t be in control again. At least not as far as Corey was concerned.

I can control how I react. I can try to help others through this process. I can try to soften the blow as they deal with the same frustrations I’ve encountered. That’s why we started Corey’s Network, Inc.

I can do my best and try to wait patiently for an answer from the lab on Corey’s murder.

I have faith, there WILL be an ANSWER.

I need this.

Because sometimes waiting and patience can start to hurt too.

Gwen Carver

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