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The confidence of ignorance

This was thirty years ago.

Back then, it was my dream to be a stay at home mom. I’d have my 2 1/2 kids, house, and white picket fence. I barely graduated high school… why would I need it if I was going to be a mom full-time?

Who knew that thirty years later my education would mean so much to me? That it would help me through the hardest times of my life? Or that though I’d become a mom, I’d never be the stay at home mom I’d dreamed of, and that one of my children would be murdered?

I look at this girl, and I see the innocence of youth. Someone that thought she knew where she was going.

The confidence of ignorance.

Now she has wrinkles and worry lines, earned by the passing of time. Grey hairs given to her by the sleepless nights wondering how she can get her life back on track after her world has been upended.

The one thing I still cling to is the cross around my neck. Instead of a cross though, I wear rings bearing the Lord’s Prayer and The Serenity Prayer… to remind me to pray them every day.

No, I’m no longer confident of my future.
But I’m no longer ignorant.
I guess it’s a trade off.

Youth or Truth.

Gwen Carver

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