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I just needed a rest…

I know.

The 28th of the month came and went, and I didn’t write anything.

Some people probably thought I forgot.
Others might have thought I was “finally over this”.

Neither were true.

There are just days and weeks that you get tired of pouring your soul out, knowing that every month you count off is just one more without your son.

It’s another month that the world continues to turn.
Another month the police don’t know any more than they did the last.
Another month of frustration and quiet tears.

And another part of you begins to believe that people don’t want to hear from you any more.

I attended a vigil for Kara Kopetsky the other day. Her mom is still looking for her. At least I know where Corey is.

After the vigil, I began wondering if I would have survived as long as her mother has. She’s been looking for 9 years. NINE years! And I complain about 2 1/2 years?

And then I remembered an analogy one of my college instructors taught me.

There were two men, both the same size and the same age. They were driving the same model car, same year, and both were wearing their safety belt.

They begin to drive on the highway… one coming from St. Louis, the other from Kansas City… both going the same speed.

Somewhere along the road, they hit each other head on.

One died.
The other walked away with scratches.
No one knows why.

Now this particular story is just an analogy, but we’ve all seen it. This type of accident happens all of the time, and no one can explain the differences in how people react to things. Whether it’s their personal experiences or fate, no one knows.

But it also helps to explain grief… and how we deal with murder and kidnappings… and all types of horrible things.

Some people are devastated to a point that they will never get past their grief. While others will use their grief as fuel for their fire to fight even harder!

No one can say who is right or who is wrong. No more than someone can blame the man in the analogy for dying in a car wreck.

Sometimes really awful things just happen.

Really HORRENDOUS things happen to amazing, beautiful people that don’t deserve it.

And sometimes they get up and fight… for NINE YEARS like Kara’s mom!
And sometimes they lay down and take it.

And neither answer is wrong.

And sometimes you fight with all your might…
and every once in a while you have to rest.
But you get your ass back up,
And quit feeling sorry for yourself.

No, I didn’t miss the 2 year and 9 month mark of my son’s murder.

I just needed to rest.

Gwen Carver

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