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I Can’t Do This…

June 14, 2017 - Michelle Metje

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My mind can’t comprehend what’s happening any more! What has happened to us?

Have we become so cold and calloused that we are getting used to triple homicides and mass shootings?  Killing one person isn’t enough?

Gang members killing babies. Parents killing their own children. Brother against brother. Us against them.

A shooting at a school baseball field… aimed at Republican politicians? People that are only trying to serve their country… and play baseball. Really?

I’m a Democrat. I really don’t like what’s going on in this country politically.  HOWEVER, I would never think of trying to kill anyone!! For ANY reason!

What happened to “Love your neighbor”?? What happened to the Golden Rule?? What happened to our faith in God and the belief in His commandments?

I don’t remember any bullet points under “Thou Shall Not Kill” that said “unless:

  1. you don’t like them,
  2. you don’t agree with them, or
  3. you just don’t give a damn!!

Next month will mark 4 years since my son was murdered. Four years of being without his light in my life. Four years that he couldn’t be with his brothers, parents, loved ones, and friends. FOUR years without him making me laugh at the dinner table.

I mourn him still as I read about a woman that left her two toddlers to die in her car so she could party!

Are we are losing our humanity?

No. We are redefining it.

It used to mean that we were empathetic to the situation of others.  Now, it just means we are expendable.

I once prayed to God to give me the ability to help others.  Never pray for something unless you are willing to take up the challenges God will bring you through.

I prayed for the ability to help others. My son was murdered. God gave me a cause.

I fell to my knees when I heard that my son would never wake again. I cried out, “God NO! I can’t do this!!”

I can’t do this.

I can’t look at the face of my son any more, but I can look at the face of his killer?

I can’t sit back and watch the news as politician after politician talks about today’s shooting.  Not because I’ve lost my empathy, but because I have more than my share.

I can’t sit on my hands when someone is hurting and they need me to hold theirs.

I can’t pretend this is normal.

I can’t accept that we have become our own worst enemies.

I can’t accept war, terrorism, or mass shootings… to me they are all the same.

I can’t promise the woman that called me yesterday to help pay for her son’s funeral that her son’s murderer will be brought to justice.

  • “Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change” (Help me to understand what I can’t do.)
  • “The courage to change the things I can” (Lord, show me Your will! Show me how I can help!!)
  • “And the wisdom to know the difference.” (Father, help me discern between what I can’t do, and what I won’t do. And make clear my path.)

I choose to help my brothers and sisters. Young, old, black, white, Christian, Muslim, LGBT, or straight.

Because I CAN’T and I WON’T let the word “humanity” become expendable.

Michelle Metje

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